so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
