We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Then you guys just all showered together...?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
