not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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