I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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