I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
