**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
