And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
