i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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