i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
