One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
