2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
