I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
