Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
