there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just pee around me
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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