Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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