They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
