His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
