if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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