I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
