we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
