went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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