a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
