A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
