made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
