i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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