what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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