shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
