i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Randomize
