so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
