Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
