Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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