wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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