note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
