you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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