Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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