Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
