Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
