I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
