Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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