you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
should my penis look like a turkey
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
