Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
