The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
