And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
