Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
