better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
