I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
