I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
