You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
