i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
