I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
