so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
