do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
