it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We are two peas in an std pod
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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